A depressing, long 'Kingsman' prequel

Its hard to quit the Kingsman series, though theyre seemingly trying to force us out. Running time: 131 minutes. Rated R (sequences of strong/bloody violence, language and some sexual material). In theaters.

It’s hard to quit the “Kingsman” series, though they’re seemingly trying to force us out.

movie review

THE KING'S MAN

Running time: 131 minutes. Rated R (sequences of strong/bloody violence, language and some sexual material). In theaters.

That’s because the first film in 2015, “The Secret Service,” was a near perfect action-comedy that revitalized the spy spoof genre. Funny, suspenseful and sexy, it made a star out of Taron Egerton who then — out of left field — went on to sing “Tiny Dancer” as Elton John in “Rocketman.” 

Then came the mediocre second entry, “The Golden Circle,” which grabbed hold of the humor and amped it up to a ludicrous level. An example of the no-holds-barred crazy: Julianne Moore played an international drug lord named Poppy, who, as it would happen, took Elton John as her prisoner. 

And now here’s a dreary prequel (aren’t they all?), “The King’s Man,” which is almost totally laugh-less, lacks a charismatic lead (Egerton’s character isn’t born yet) and is bogged down by the trench warfare misery of World War I.

Writer-director Matthew Vaughn, who’s helmed all three, needs to either call it quits or hand over the reins to someone with some self-control. The formidable talent of Ralph Fiennes can lift his movie some, but the man’s not Hercules.

Ralph Fiennes plays the Duke of Oxford in “The King’s Man.” AP

The prequel’s premise was set up by Colin Firth in the first film, when he described Kingsman as an independent spy agency created by aristocrats during the war who were wary of the UK’s leadership. 

So “The King’s Man” functions both as the story of how the fake organization was built and revisionist history about how WWI got started. The Duke of Oxford (Fiennes) and his son Conrad (Harris Dickinson) are sitting in the Sarajevo carriage of Archduke Franz Ferdinand when he’s shot — don’t remember that bit from history class — sparking the conflict. 

The shooter, Gavrilo Princip (Joel Basman), is a part of a group of shadowy figures who sit around a long table atop a mountain like Spectre in James Bond plotting global destruction. They also include Rasputin (Rhys Ifans) and Vladimir Lenin (August Diehl). 

Harrison Dickinson plays Conrad. AP

Why does their boss, an anonymous evil Scotsman (the final revelation is lame), want to incite an international calamity? To get revenge on the British monarchy for what they’ve done to Scotland over the centuries. That’s a hard motive to buy into in a comedy, and his “Muwhahahah!” machinations walk a weird line between Monty Python and legitimate seriousness. 

As Oxford, his servant Shola (Djimon Hounsou) and Conrad’s tutor Polly (Gemma Arterton, irritating) — attempt to stop World War I from getting out of control, he goes off to the trenches. Those battlefield sections are B-side “1917.”

Gemma Arterton plays an Oxford tutor named Polly in the film. AP

The most amusing scene is with Rasputin, who Ifans interprets as disgusting and magical, and also a skilled dancer and swordsman who enjoys the company of younger men. In a deeply uncomfortable moment, he feverishly licks Oxford’s bullet wound to cure it. Very strange, however it’s the liveliest part of an otherwise funereal, overlong film.

By the end, you’re absolutely certain — the secret sauce of “Kingsman” is Egerton.

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